A five-foot alligator escaped from top-secret Pine Street laboratory, Orgo-One, and hospitalized a local man early Monday morning. The alligator was being trained for an underground communist missal defense strategy by Orgo-One scientists and escaped through an open door. The local man was bitten on the neck and legs by the alligator and called for help. The animal wreaked havoc down Pine Street until 2 am when authorities arrived. No charges were filed and the animal was unharmed. Scientists from Orgo-One declined an interview.